A couple of days ago I was fly-on-the-wall for what can only be described as a great example of Geek Manners. One definition of a "geek" is one whose intense interest in a specific topic is offset by a lack of standard social skills. That doesn't mean that all geeks are completely oblivious to social customs, just that they invent their own at times. Below is a transcript (from memory) of the conversation I heard.
Developer A: You broke the build last night because the blah blah blah source wasn't in UTF-8.
Developer B: No, I always save source in UTF-8.
Developer A: Well I don't know what to tell you...you broke the build.
Dev B frowns and there is a notable increase in tension...
Dev B: Hmmm, I don't think so, but I'll check my settings--
Dev A: Yeah you need to go to your Preferences and--
Dev B: Yeah, I know where that is! I've probably done more with character encoding than just about anyone around here!
Dev A: I'd have to disagree there.
Dev B: Oh yeah? Well have you supported
Dev A: Ha. I've done
Let the games begin! It's clear at this point that I'm observing what can only be described as the developer-equivalent of two rams head-butting on a mountain top for geek supremacy. There is a long pause as the tension hangs...
Dev B: OK...yeah, I see the encoding is set to Mac Roman. Let me fix that and re-commit.
Now Dev B finds an opening and subtly deflects aggression from himself to Apple...
Dev B: That's so typical of Macs, they have to have their own encoding for everything.
Dev A picks up on the clue and ritual of commiseration through technical criticism begins...
Dev A: I hear you. Doesn't it just drive you crazy when
Dev B: Yeah. It reminds me of the time when...
At this point our two devs have moved into the closing stage of their conversation, deftly moving from challenge and response to an uneasy acknowledgement of pack order. Both showed their horns and both stood their ground, then they made up by talking for another twenty-five minutes about their various horror stories around character encoding.
To be sure, there was still the regular one-upsmanship in the story-telling phase, but the atmosphere had tangibly improved. What was fascinating about this final exchange was the need for the long ramp-down of story-swapping as way of expressing, "I'm sorry I was short with you. I think you're a smart guy and I hope you think I'm one too".
Quite frankly, I amazed that any of us ever get married at all.